There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
