i think my tv is drunk
she looked like the before picture.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize