omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize