mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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