I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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