they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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