somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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