remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
