i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Threesome in a minivan. New low
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
