the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
