We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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