i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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