my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
