I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
