Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
