So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
