then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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