You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
