Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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