It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
