Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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