You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
