At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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