i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
