he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
