Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
