i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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