My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
