gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
