the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I need a beard to bite.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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