I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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