all she had left on were here heels. phone five
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
