so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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