God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
