oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
