This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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