I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
