I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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