i just had sex bonerless
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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