get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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