Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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