my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
