Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
