what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
