I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
