Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
