We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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