I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
