In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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