Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
