shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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