Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
