I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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