I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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