dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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