you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
