need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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