i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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