**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize