So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
