I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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