Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
