I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
