Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
