do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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