so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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