Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
