my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
