Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
