tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
