They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
