He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
