No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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