One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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