you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize