9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
